A modern day Thanatos

          Have you have wondered what is to be on the edge? What is it to be literally one step away from death? To have your whole life before you and decide that until that very moment you did nothing that could carry any significance. It is the biggest decision you have to make. And then it hits you. What had happened means nothing; it is in the past. It doesn’t matter anymore.

          You can change everything and even if you fail, well, at least you tried. You can accomplish anything; you just saw what really matters. You will twist your life around and make this moment the one that will define your new life. Nothing will bring you on the edge again because you now know that nothing if permanent. Except that one step you were about to make over the edge.

          So walk back, turn around and never come back.

          But you slip. You lost your footing and now you’re falling. And boy, that’s a lot to think of when you have to fall for twenty seconds. If it happens that you manage to turn around and look at the place you fell from you may see me. But that is not a thing you should wish for. Because it means that you will die. It’s the end. If you had a chance of surviving the fall, but seeing me is the proof and the seal that you’re on a one way trip.

          That’s because I am the angel of death; a modern Thanatos. Though to be precise I am not “the angel” but rather one of them. And do not try to imagine me as a human with white or black wings, dressed in a robe. That’s actually very insulting toward us. What would you feel like if I were to portray you as a pig? You may feel insulted. Then, what would you think if I add wings. Funny, am I right? But you are still a pig. I do not like being portrayed as a human.

          But for your sake it may be easier if you imagine me like a human. Your imagination may fail if you have to hear something about a protagonist you can’t visualise. So I’ll allow it. Think a little about what do you want the main character look like? Should I be tall, well built, blond or black haired? Black hair, because I am the angel of death? And wear trench coat? Whoa, that’s pretty badass! Except that I won’t be doing any shooting. What do you think about wearing a black suit? Let’s keep it classy.

          Okay. Enough with that! It is not important. Not even for the sake of the story.

          So I am an angel of death. My job was taking people lives. It was. Now is just a hobby. It is something that I do out of pure boredom. You humans are doing a great job killing each other without any help. Then why am I doing this? Well, as I said, I am very bored. Not such a long time ago, achieving a certain number of deaths was actually quite a problem. But now you are so many and it is so easy to meet the quotas. If someone would have told me that I will have time to spare millennia ago I would probably just have sent him ahead.

          It was such a hard process. We were told that we only had to kill a certain number of people. Not too many, or we would remain jobless. So we had to be careful when we chose those we should send away. I think you call it survival of the fittest. I guess you are right in a way. Only that we were the ones taking them. Like a farmer that chooses from two apples on a branch. He must cut one down so the other can grow bigger.

          Once in a while we would start a war or a plague so that we could get a break. And then we would take it from where we left it. But hey! You did very well. Look where you are right now. You reached a point I would have never imagined you would. I fear that will come a moment when meeting the quotas will become a job again. It may be even harder than before. But at the moment I am not worried. Famine, war, greed are still doing well.

          So, let me tell you about my hobby! Obviously I can’t simply go sky jumping or growing bonsai. It’s still related to death. But now the focus is on the way in which it is done. Not the quantity, but the quality. What? The quality of death is a touchy matter for you? And what would you do? Are you going to stop listening? Okay. You do that! How sensible we are. You know, your turn will be coming too. No one lives forever. Not even me, except that I haven’t discovered what kills me yet. Maybe this boredom will do it.

          Mais revenons à nos moutons! Yes. I know French. Shame on you if you don’t! As I said my hobby is bringing a certain twist to my job. Not in an obscene way. I do it with little intervention by changing one little detail. In the example above I simply made his feet slip. I agree. It is not something very complicated. But this is just something I did between jobs. I have seen him standing there and I don’t like missing an opportunity.

          I must confess. I have this one addiction. I love to see look in their eyes when they see me just before they die. I told you that I couldn't imagine that you would reach this point as humans. That’s because we can’t see the future. So it is as much of a surprise for us as well because we do not know what you see in that moment. Well, it’s my addiction but it has nothing to do with my hobby.

          Now that you had a paragraph of time to think about my hobby you may think that is not such a big deal. I mean imagine a heart surgeon doing an open cord intervention. A less than a millimetre mistake and the patient will die. But that is not really much of an achievement. I mean, hell, the man is with his chest open. Obviously it doesn’t take much more for him to die.

          I prefer to take a healthy man, maybe at the peak of his existence, and by changing one little insignificant detail I would make him suitable for a date with the last lady. It is not easy. I fail way too often. But it is expected as I choose only the ones that have only a small change to die. If I succeed I see always the same kind of reactions: “It was his fate!”, “A tragedy” or “Bad luck!” That is the absurdity of life and death. If I fail, I leave him alone. I won’t intervene in his life again and let him die of old age. Would you take this chance? It is a small chance of death against a long life. I guess you probably would take it.

          I am not the only one with such hobby. I met one angel one, let’s name him Greg. I have no reason to hide his real name, but I don’t know how to pronounce it, less so write it, so you can understand it. He was certainly an odd one. He did his job by letting other people live or what he liked to call No good deed goes unpunished. Maybe his most notable example was when he spared a certain soldier from another, during World War One. He made him look like he was wounded and the one who had him in sights got merciful and let the second leave the war alive. What followed probably put us all on break. Even Greg did not expect that result. Since then is trying to replicate the result, but with only minor successes.

          Then there is Drew. This guy has no sense of finesse. I guess I could call him a sadistic bastard. He told me that his favourite method for doing his job (I would call it otherwise but in his case would be a lack of respect) is keeping the victim in front of otherwise avoidable death. Like one time he bragged for keeping someone at the bottom of a pool despite the fact that one was a good swimmer. No one could explain his death. Or in another situation he would keep someone on the train tracks until the train hit him.

          He was truly a sadistic bastard. But one thing remains from my discussion with him. Apparently when he was holding these people before their deaths they were able to see him. I really wonder how we look through your eyes. I would certainly like to have a discussion with one of you. He was also pretty interested in this. But I guess no one is in the mood for a talk when impeding death is coming his way.

          Oh! And another thing! When he held that guy on the tracks, the guy was able to interact with him, like in trying to push away from Drew. I wonder if you would be able to kill us this way. I bet you would like to try it. Although there is one little grandfather paradox: You can interact with us only when death is unavoidable.

          Well I guess this is all for tonight. It is almost dawn and I most go. I still have something to do, something related with my job. So sleep well. I will return in the evening and I will tell you more. And maybe you will also talk to me. Sleep well!